The storms played out before sundown, leaving the world fresh and clean. As the last light rain passed on toward the northeast, the sun shone against the clouds and a rainbow spanned the sky--the Mother's Arms of Blessing. Never had I seen one so beautiful. But perhaps part of its beauty was in my eyes, that saw everything differently now. I was not the same.
This was not the first time my life had changed, though I was less aware of it the first time, when Ayla's influence gradually increased my awareness and caused me to take a good look at myself.
The mamuti, I am told, use a ritual of death and rebirth in their initiations. I could not tell you the details of it, but it involves a sort of personal re-enactment of the return of the Shining One from the underworld. A person who is thus "reborn" leaves his or her burden of worldly regrets and misdeeds behind, coming forth with a clean spirit full of the light of life. Some undergo this transformation more than once, gaining in power and wisdom each time. I think that Old Mamut must have been spiritually reborn many times during his long life.
I felt as if I had been reborn. My journey had started in the underworld of despair, and gradually I had sloughed away the heaviness of my heart. The selfishly closed-off lodge of my soul flung itself completely open now. I spread my arms to embrace the world as the rainbow did.
We stayed there for the night. I had set up the tent in such a way that it channeled water toward a corner on one side. I refilled my waterskin by repeatedly catching the flow in my tea-basket. The poor basket showed the effects of long use, but it still served for this. Many of the useful things that filled my pack needed repair or replacement--it was good that we were nearly home. I thought that no more than two days would see us there.
Chac sensed my anticipation of the homecoming, both the good and the bad side. There is no better judge of a man's attitude than an animal. I find my self laughing when I think of my extreme foolishness in using the word "animal" in a belittling way. All of the Mother's Children have their own kind of intelligence and wisdom. Only we humans have the ability to deny our own sense of rightness.
The little wolf--not nearly as little as when I found him, but still a frolicking puppy--no longer needed to be carried. He walked at my side, when he wasn't running around and ahead of me. I had already made some progress in getting him to recognize signals of various kinds. It would be best for him to learn some Clan gestures if we were to hunt together when he matured. For now, it was enough just to gain some control over his behavior. He seemed to understand the word "no", if I said it loud enough. I remembered the bird-like sounds that Ayla used to summon her horses and Wolf. After many trials, I produced a shrill whistle which definitely got Chac's attention. I began to whistle every time I was about to feed him, and also made a game of it.
It had alarmed me when he wouldn't respond to my calls at the time of the lightning strike. That time, I guess you might say, I came to his call. It made me even more aware of his signals, the language of the wolf that came naturally to him as Clan language does to those who have those mysterious Memories.
We were striding along at a good pace together early in the second day when Chac's ears swiveled forward and his tail lowered. I immediately slowed and readied a spear. Whatever Chac had sensed was just over the crest of the long, low ridge we were crossing. I had no idea what we might be about to encounter, so I shouted,"Heya, holaaa!" Any animal, especially this close to Lion Camp, would probably prefer to avoid us if warned.
The answering "Hola!" was a pleasant surprise. I lowered my spear and hastened the last few strides upslope. Tornec, Danug, Latie, and--of all people--my eldest sister's son Myrec gaped with surprise. I suppose I was quite a sight. One tends to neglect grooming when traveling alone, and the young wolf tangling himself in my legs was surely unexpected. I was grinning like a skull, waving and laughing. So were they.
"What a prize, we came out to hunt up a little fresh meat and we've captured a wolf pack," Danug said as he grabbed me and squashed the breath half out of me. They were all eager to welcome me back. I felt rather overwhelmed after my several moons of solitude. Poor Chac backed away from the melee snarling. He must have thought he was going to lose his new "Mama" too.
I'm sorry," I said, after a quick greeting for each, "could you all move away a little?"
"Of course," Latie said. "The poor little wolf--look at it, we've scared it witless."
Not witless, perhaps, but quite upset. I spoke quietly to Chac and whistled, and he came leaping to me. I rubbed and scratched and kept talking to him, telling him that it was all right. He sniffed at me and whined. Finally I asked my human friends to approach one at a time. Soon Chac had been introduced to all of the group and was more at ease, though still shy, and very curious. His wiggly nose and waggly tail caused a great deal of laughter as he snuffed away at his new acquaintances. He would back away if they laughed too loud, but not for long.
We all headed back toward Lion Camp. The impromptu hunting expedition had come about because of a dream that Myrec had. He was as surprised as the others at the result! I was pleased to learn that my nephew had taken my suggestion--which I had all but forgotten--to move to Lion Camp. He was already well advanced in his training with the mamuti, having taken up the vocation after seeing Ayla ride her lion. After a year of instruction from the mamut of our former Camp, he had asked for an opportunity to learn from others. He applied himself so diligently that everyone who met him was impressed. It was gratifying that a member of my family could gain status through his own efforts.
I was anxious to know of the children of my hearth. Tornec told me that they were all well. Little Crozec was growing fat and strong. "Tronie is thankful to have him. It was good for her to have him and Bectie to care for. You look as if you've found your way back too," he said, giving his words a double meaning.
"Yes, I have. Chac helped... I needed something to get hold of. He needed me in a way I couldn't... stop myself by thinking about, if you see what I mean."
"Yes, I do." Tornec smiled warmly at me. "You are much more of a thinker than I'd once have given you credit for, Frebec. But a person can think a thing to death. You must have done a lot of thinking while you were off on your own..."
"That I did. Not much at first, I tried not to think. But... well, I'm back."
They said little of Crisavec and Tasher, except that they were doing well. I got the impression that my absence had not been taken well by the boys. I couldn't blame them. Tasher was pursuing his beginning interest in working with flint. Danug said that he showed promise. Crisavec was gaining skill as a hunter.
I hoped that I would be able to rebuild our relationship. I had no illusions that it would be easy.