Here There Be Worms
A note on style and a fanfare on the dirty details

I'm sure some of you have read the late Frank Herbert's Dune series. I'll recap some points to make my analogy clear.

The giant sandworms of Arrakis are attracted to repetetive, rhythmic sounds. To walk safely in the desert, one must be aware of the pattern of one's steps and not fall into a regular rhythm. A careless wanderer will soon have his atoms rearranged.

Prose, unlike poetry, doesn't have a regular beat. When it falls into a pattern that is too predictable, the reader's attention may be drawn to the mechanics of the piece rather than running free in the fields of imagination. That awareness of the written word as such is what I call -- for the purpose of this essay -- the Worm. In order not to arouse the Worm in the reader's mind, the writer must cultivate awareness of the patterns of language and maintain that awareness when editing.

Please note that I said "editing" -- you don't want to get too tight when you are first jotting down your thoughts. But when you go back and read it over, you are the Worm. [Wink] Practice will make it easier to notice things.

Problems may be caused by a conscious effort to "write well." The writer has seen a certain turn of phrase used by a favorite author and/or is trying not to be boring and plain. But the work must be seen as a whole, not one sentence at a time. What works in small doses here and there for variety loses its zip when overused. You can't push style. The best plan is usually to write as you speak and think -- and clean it up afterward. Hindsight and the ability to search for and count instances of words, phrases, and punctuation marks will take care of most flaws.

Repetition occurs in a lot of ways. Sentences create rhythms by means of both length and structure. A series of sentences that are all neatly divided in half with commas has a swinging "BLA, bla, BLA, bla, BLA, bla," beat that can get boring and annoying. Using the same type of phrase within a sentence too often, especially at the beginning, is good Worm-bait.

Words and phrases can become noticeable when repeated too often. Of course we can't do without the common, everyday words that are the nails and glue of language. They are normally invisible to the reader. But beware of uncommon words and overly repeated patterns. Long words, value words (terrible, beautiful, horrible, evil, etc.), adverbs (he said softly), and phrases substituted for names can be overdone.

Another way in which words create patterns is in the beginnings of sentences and paragraphs. My rule of thumb is "three strikes and you're out." If three sentences in a row want to start with "He," for example, something is wrong. I will allow two once in a while, but rarely. It is usually possible to have no two consecutive paragraphs beginning with the same word. I said "possible," not "easy."

Then there is the other rhythm problem, jerkiness. Sentence fragments and misplaced punctuation are the speed-bumps and potholes of the reader's road.

One annoying bump is the quotation full-stop: "This sentence sucks." Said Matera.

Watch out for those. If words spoken by a character are part of a sentence containing a "he said" type of phrase, then that "he said" must not be treated as if it were a separate sentence, even if the quotation ends in a question mark or exclamation point. Dear MSWord will insist on capitalizing anything that follows a question mark or exclamation point. Just remember that you are the boss, not the software. Also remember that unless you have to use a question mark or exclamation point, the only proper punctuation between a character's words and your "he said" is a comma.

"This sentence is all right," the self-appointed expert declared.

Fragments are all right now and then for effect, but you don't want to leave them all over the place. Dialog and a character's thoughts will often be full of sentence fragments; after all, who goes around thinking and talking like a textbook? The narrator should avoid headless (or legless) chunks. It doesn't have to be painfully perfect, but complete sentences are Standard Operating Procedure.

Note that a fragment may have a subject and verb but still be a fragment because it is a clause. A clause is a kind of subordinate sentence that is One Who Serves To Modify. You can see this clearly if I give you an example.

See? "If I give you an example" is a clause. By itself, it can't stand as a sentence. Drop the "if" and it is just a sentence, if not a very exciting one. Tricky!